New update on the medication switch. I am now up to 20mg Abilify, 25mg Celexa and 100mg Seroquel. However, I have brought myself back up to 200mg Seroquel, because I cannot sleep a wink with only the 100. Because my doctor is away for a week, I had to wait an extra week between appointments, and its starting to pay its toll which is why I brought myself back up to the 200, and take 50-100 more if anxious. They did this for me when I was in the hospital, so I figured it would be fine even though i didnt have permision. I do not advise this if you haven’t spoken with a doctor.

I see my doctor on the 12, however, im going out of my mind. Im constantly irrirtable, restless, impatient, sleepless, I feel constantly rushed and anxious but everything is going so slow around me I can’t even breathe properly. when I do get to sleep, its only in short spurts, no more than an hour at a time. last night I took 300mg of seroquel and managed to sleep from 10pm to 6am and grabbed an hour at about 4pm because i haven’t been sleeping all week.

when im doing things, i have to do a million things at once just to feel like im doing something. hard to explain. im alright typing this because im engaging my hands and my mind at the same time. However, when watching tv I have to be doing something with my hands, today I watched a move and sewed a backpatch on my hoodie. i then went to walmart to buy some yarn so i can teach myself to knit just to keep busy. i have nothing else to do.

usually, when im restless and cant sit still i want to eat, probably because im bored. so i do. ive been eating nothing but junk, however because my band is still too tight i end up vomiting everything i eat. once my parents are home from their vacation in cuba im going to ask to borrow the cost of another de-fill. i can hardly keep anything down, ive been reduced to soup and juice but now i cant seem to keep that down either so i have to get more taken out of my band.

Im going over to my boyfriends tonight once he’s off work (another 1/2 hour or so) and staying the night tomorrow is our 5th year anniversary so were going to spend the day together since hes off work. when i get there i will try to sleep but if i cant at least i have someone else to entertain me for a while. tomorrow i should be occupied enough to not feel too anxious.

i cannot explain how horrible i feel lately due to this medication switch. i was feeling fine for a while, but it wasn’t until i was brought down to 100mg of seroquel that it got really bad. I think the abilify needs to be increased another 5mgs (bring me to 25mgs), but she’s the doctor. however, if  dont get any relief soon im going to say fuck it all, put me back on the seroquel. at least t hen I sleep and im not anxious. I cannot take much more of this feeling.

im calling my doctor tomorrow and seeing if she’s in, she needs to change the medication and quickly. however, if she’s not in, im not sure what im going to do until monday to control this horrible horrible feeling. thats 4 days! normally, that’s nothing, but right now I dont know! I can go 4 days without eating and dealing with this band issue much easier than going 4 days with this restless, anxious, jumpy horrible feeling.

I attempted to sleep around 4:30am, and managed to succeed around 5:30am. I was tossing and turning a lot, and beyond jittery before I managed to get to sleep. I hope Austin wasn’t too disturbed and managed to sleep well enough.

I took some rapid release Tylenol before I attempted sleep. It “rapid releases” in my pouch and hits me pretty hard, so I hoped it would help me sleep and take away most of my migraine. It seemed to work alright. So, I slept alright. Nothing compared to what I usually sleep, but it wasn’t totally bad. I am completely spacey right now though, which is a horrible feeling.

I haven’t been eating either due to the nausea that accompanies the medication switch. However, I grabbed a bagel just now, and though I’m eating it slow I am keeping it down. Also, I never chose bagels before because I was afraid it would get stuck in my pouch (most doughy breads do). Let me explain that for anyone who cares:

When foods get stuck in my lapband, it causes a tense and uncomfortable feeling in my chest, basically just below my esophagus near my diaphragm. The body then produces a lot of saliva and mucus trying to get it down, which is called “sliming” by lapband patients. Most times the sliming works, and it passes through relieving the pain. Other times it doesn’t work, and I feel like I must vomit and hiccup a lot trying to get it to move, sometimes I don’t have a choice and have to vomit. This vomiting is rare, and I try to avoid it as much as possible. If you vomit too much, you can make the band slip.

Most food goes down fine, but I do have trouble with some. For instance, french fries, rice, steak, overcooked/dry chicken, doughy breads, really dry crackers, some sandwich meats if I don’t chew them well enough. Basically anything that I cannot chew properly. They advise us to chew 20 times per bite, to make sure its broken down enough. Sometimes I must chew much more than that.

Which is why I haven’t chosen bagels since before my surgery, because I was afraid of the trouble it may cause. However, right now as I still here munching on one, I have had no trouble, and it seems to be staying down even though I have constant nausea. This is  awesome.

Okay, enough. Back to work!