I’m watching a documentary on schizophrenia, which is inspiring me to write this entry as well as write an intervention plan something i always meant to do but never did. I’ll post my intervention plan at a later date. An intervention plan is basically what to do if i start experiencing symptoms again. In the beginning, I usually notice if I start feeling different but after a while, I lose myself and need to rely on others to notice if Im acting differently.

First off, I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today. I told her that I increased my seroquel back up to 300mg at night, and explained why and what was happening. She believes I have akathesia, and that the seroquel masks it because it has an anti-anxiety property to it. The higher the dose, the more it masks the akathesia and allows me to feel less agitated, irritable, anxious and allows me to be calm.

By the way,  Akathisia (inability to sit still) is a term introduced to describe restlessness. It is now used to describe the restlessness observed in patients secondary to neuroleptics, typically manifested by excessive voluntary movement.  The movements are typically stereotypical motor patterns such as pacing, body rocking, or foot tapping.  Occasionally Akathisia can result in repetitive vocalizations.  Some authors now describe these movements as “stereotypies” associated with an abnormal subjective sensation. Occasionally the inner subjective feeling of restlessness is absent.  The term “pseudoakathisia” has been used in this situation.

She told me to keep my seroquel as it is at 300mgs and is going to start decreasing my abilify to see if maybe the abilify is causing the akathesia. If it is the abilify creating the problem, she will decide then to either take me off the abilify and leave me on the seroquel, or, decrease the abilify to a point where its not as noticable yet still psychologically effective and then take me off the seroquel, she may even add an anxiety med to help me out. The goal is that I’m on only ONE antipsychotic, weither its the abilify or the seroquel. we wanted to move to the abilify to see if it helps me lose weight, but even if it does help me lose weight I wont be able to deal with the akathesia. Id rather be akathesia free.

All that being said, my parents are getting home from Cuba today, so I’m headed to the airport shortly to pick them up. Im kind of excited to see them, and not just because they said they were bringing me home some sand. My kittens are anxious to see them as well. The babies know they miss someone and that they feel bad, but they dont understand the actual concept of oh, this person is away anthat is why im sad. Its a neat thing to see, and that is why i own cats- they understand basic emotions.:)

New update on the medication switch. I am now up to 20mg Abilify, 25mg Celexa and 100mg Seroquel. However, I have brought myself back up to 200mg Seroquel, because I cannot sleep a wink with only the 100. Because my doctor is away for a week, I had to wait an extra week between appointments, and its starting to pay its toll which is why I brought myself back up to the 200, and take 50-100 more if anxious. They did this for me when I was in the hospital, so I figured it would be fine even though i didnt have permision. I do not advise this if you haven’t spoken with a doctor.

I see my doctor on the 12, however, im going out of my mind. Im constantly irrirtable, restless, impatient, sleepless, I feel constantly rushed and anxious but everything is going so slow around me I can’t even breathe properly. when I do get to sleep, its only in short spurts, no more than an hour at a time. last night I took 300mg of seroquel and managed to sleep from 10pm to 6am and grabbed an hour at about 4pm because i haven’t been sleeping all week.

when im doing things, i have to do a million things at once just to feel like im doing something. hard to explain. im alright typing this because im engaging my hands and my mind at the same time. However, when watching tv I have to be doing something with my hands, today I watched a move and sewed a backpatch on my hoodie. i then went to walmart to buy some yarn so i can teach myself to knit just to keep busy. i have nothing else to do.

usually, when im restless and cant sit still i want to eat, probably because im bored. so i do. ive been eating nothing but junk, however because my band is still too tight i end up vomiting everything i eat. once my parents are home from their vacation in cuba im going to ask to borrow the cost of another de-fill. i can hardly keep anything down, ive been reduced to soup and juice but now i cant seem to keep that down either so i have to get more taken out of my band.

Im going over to my boyfriends tonight once he’s off work (another 1/2 hour or so) and staying the night tomorrow is our 5th year anniversary so were going to spend the day together since hes off work. when i get there i will try to sleep but if i cant at least i have someone else to entertain me for a while. tomorrow i should be occupied enough to not feel too anxious.

i cannot explain how horrible i feel lately due to this medication switch. i was feeling fine for a while, but it wasn’t until i was brought down to 100mg of seroquel that it got really bad. I think the abilify needs to be increased another 5mgs (bring me to 25mgs), but she’s the doctor. however, if  dont get any relief soon im going to say fuck it all, put me back on the seroquel. at least t hen I sleep and im not anxious. I cannot take much more of this feeling.

im calling my doctor tomorrow and seeing if she’s in, she needs to change the medication and quickly. however, if she’s not in, im not sure what im going to do until monday to control this horrible horrible feeling. thats 4 days! normally, that’s nothing, but right now I dont know! I can go 4 days without eating and dealing with this band issue much easier than going 4 days with this restless, anxious, jumpy horrible feeling.

Last night I managed to get some sleep so I’m feeling a bit better. The lack of sleep makes you feel worse. Then I grabbed a shower and I feel wonderful. Sedated and a bit shaky but otherwise wonderful.  That, and I’m watching The Big Bang Theory, which just plain makes me happy.

I manged to keep down some soup earlier, so I’m probably on my way to getting over the withdrawal. Thankfully. For a few days I felt a lot like a drug addict. Itchy on the inside, shaking, anxious, nauseated and clammy. If I started picking at my skin and had some seizures, I would have been exactly like a detoxing meth addict. Very disgusting feeling. I have a difficult time explaining the exact feeling either.

I’m still agitated, but otherwise well. I’ll probably post again if things get worse again. But until then, I wipe my brow. I’m glad its passing.

Since I’m awake, I thought I’d write this entry.

My psychiatrist is switching my anti-psychotic medications. I’m switching from Seroquel (Quetiapine) to Abilify (aripiprazole). I am on day two of the switch, (well, day three but I haven’t taken my dose yet).

So far I’m going out of my mind. I’m starving, but thinking of food makes me want to vomit and eating food makes me actually vomit. I cannot sleep, and when I do I sleep in short bursts, toss and turn, and feel anxious and jittery all night. So, tonight, I decided to with-go the sleeping, and since my boyfriend has to get up in the early AM, I figured I’d give him the night to sleep without me tossing and turning next to him.

I haven’t kept any food down today, other than flat pepsi and popsicles. Even though I made a delicious dinner for the Austin and I, I couldn’t eat it, I hate a bite or two before vomiting though. Vomiting, however, is a very difficult ordeal for lapband patients. We can only really vomit if there is something in our “pouch” (the small part of the stomach above the band). If its empty we can only dry heave.

During the day I’m spacey, anxious and jittery. I’ve got limited focus. Oddly enough, I can focus on writing and coding, but I was unable to focus any amount of attention on the movies I was trying to watch today.

Currently I’m jittery as hell, cannot sit still, and I’ve been clenching my jaw like you wouldn’t believe. And since I’m keeping busy, I’ve reading a bit on abilify (aripiprazole). My doctor switched me thinking it’d be safer for me to be on a newer anti-psychotic, as well she would like to see if I would lose any more weight since those taking it are less likely to gain weight. Most of the problems I’ve been having is probably due to the withdrawl from Seroquel more than having side effects from the Abilify. Usually, I have the same symptoms at night (the insomnia, jittery-ness, anxiety, and restless mind) if I forgot a dose of Seroquel. Which is why I am slowly coming off of the Seroquel and onto the Abilify.

Finding it odd that Abilify is being used to treat Autism. Side effects: Akathisia, headache, unusual tiredness or weakness, nausea, vomiting, an uncomfortable feeling in the stomach, constipation, light-headedness, insomnia, sleepiness, shaking, and blurred vision. Uncontrollable twitching or jerking movements, tremors, seizure, and weight gain. Some people may feel dizzy, especially when getting up from a lying or sitting position, or may experience a fast heart rate. (All on top of my already recently diagnosed vertigo)

I’ve pretty much got all of those, except the tremors and seizures. So, basically, in short, this is going to be a wonderful two weeks. I’ll probably be posting nightly as I deal with the switch