SENDYOURRAVENS.NET

moving c2c over there and joining forces with scream project. so its going to be a ALL THINGS HORROR blog with some personal site stuff thrown in as well as stuff for visitors. little busy at the moment so theres nothing there yet, but she’s a-comin’. stay tuned! – B

YAY! I think its beautiful. I’m still working out some kinks so I’m sorry for the mess. But, I quite like this. I love my crows!

cater-to-cowards as a domain is running out of time. its set to expire in June, so I’m going to be moving my blog over to a subdomain of cravemyheart.Look for that soon.

Starting on a revamp of the site, so theres more to it. coming soon. im just not sure when im going to start it.

Ew. Why would someone eat a raw steak? It looks so nasty. *shudder*

I’m watching a documentary on “real vampires”. I believe you. Youre a vampire. You drink blood and your suck energy, I can deal with that, what I can’t dea with is the whole fake “persona”. You don’t have to be so creepy. Vampires don’t have to be douchebags. This dude is a step away from wearing ed hardy and braiding his facial hair.

anyway. changed up the layout some. think its cute. had KMFDM, switched it to Amy in order to celebrate the fact they’re working on a new album.

going to go read now, no more scary “vampire” guy.

I mentioned in the previous post that i was going to post this, so here it is. This is my INTERVENTION PLAN (what to do if you notice I’m getting sick again)

THESE SYMPTOMS APPEAR IF I AM GETTING SICK AGAIN

1. Sleeping more often
2. Sleeping less often or not as well due to nightmares. Awake all hours
3. Irritable, anxious, irrational, unable to concentrate
4. mild Paranoia, feeling watched
5. Appear to be fidgety, or paying attention to something other than you when you speak
6. Notice me concentrating on or watching something that is “not there”
7. I say I feel different or weird or things “look different”
8. I cannot remember mediocre things

THINGS ARE REALLY BAD AND I WILL NOT NOTICE IM ILL WHEN:

1. Im paranoid and am talking about video cameras or being followed by police
2. I mention the house is changing, looks different, or I cannot remember where I am
3. I am audibly talking to people who “aren’t there”
4. you catch me watching things, or afraid of things that aren’t there
5. Lots of nightmares means im awake as much as possible
6. Im injuring myself on purpose

WHAT TO DO IF YOU NOTICE THESE SYMPTOMS:

1. mention it to me, usually I will notice the same thing unless I’m too far gone
2. tell me to call my psychiatrist, and make sure I do
3. tell me to do something to relax, sometimes that will help
4. if its really noticeable, don’t let me drive (if things “look different” I’ll lose my perception and shouldn’t be driving)

WHAT TO DO IF THINGS ARE REALLY BAD

1. call mobile crisis
2. call dr black / laura white immediately
3. take me to the ER

I’ve been sitting on the deck most of the day. It’s 20 degrees there, probably a little less in reality, but the deck gets nice and warm.

I had physio on my jaw yesterday and now my entire neck and back is sore as hell. Lots of headaches too. Shitty deal. I know they’re all attached but I could deal with the jaw pain, not with the rest of it.

I’m just writing this to burn some time. I’m at my boyfriends, alone, and bored. His room mate will be home around 8, and at least then I have someone to talk to. Until then, I’m BORED AS HELL. I think I’m going to go read. I just bought “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins. Good read so far.

Updating the shit out of CRAVEMYHEART shortly. Tons of new stuff I found on my hard drive.
Paintball this weekend.

blog title lyrics: “Piggybank” – KMFD

It was nice out today so I went out onto the deck to blow some bubbles. I love bubbles /nerd.

The wind just switched though, so blowing them doesn’t work as well. They come back in my face instead of heading toward the highway.

WEBSITES:

• I’ve reworked CRAVEMYHEART, so it’s a little easier to look through. It is still not officially open though.
• Added some new stuff the THE SCREAM PROJECT, but no recent reviews. I will try to get a few in over the weekend.
• SHAUNMORGANFAN is almost up and running, i’ve got a lot of stuff put into that, and Im currently working on the photogallery. This one is taking the brunt of my work, and its driving me up the wall.
• I’m also spending spare time working on a website for my Aunt’s salon, which once I get the full go ahead for will be taking ALL of my time.

ARTWORK:

• Did a quick photoshop painting of a what I call “ghostly guy”.
• 

MEDICATIONS:

• My psychiatrist was worried about the side effects I was having during my med change, and said it was too much, so she played with the doses and timings. She changed it so that I was no longer taking my Welbutrin (buproprion), which I was taking in combination with my Celexa (citalopram) for my depression. She then moved the new medication, abilify, (Aripiprazole) to the morning and left me for a week. I saw her yesterday, and she said I was doing well, so she upped my abilify (Aripiprazole) to 10mg instead of 5. So now I take Celexa 50mg and Abilify 10mg in the morning, and Seroquel 400mg at night. Once she gets the abilify up, she will start tapering off the Seroquel. Eventually, I will only be taking two medications instead of three.

WEIGHT LOSS

• I have offically hit my 50lbs lost mark. It seems it has taken me a little longer than other people, but I have a lot of weight gain medications that I’m on at the moment as well. I am losing the weight much faster now that I have been taken down from my full dose of Seroquel. I am currently at 240lbs, and started just over 290lbs. I have a tendency to get stuck at nice round numbers for a while, so I should be stuck above 240 for a little while and then drop quickly to 230lbs, that’s usually the way it works. I am, however, creeping closer to my goal. Only 100lbs left to lose.

JAW

• My jaw has been very messed up, I’ve tried everything other than surgery. Recently I’ve been going to a combination of physio and message therapy to see if that relieves the tension in the muscle enough that I can comfortably yawn, talk and chew. It seems to be doing an alright job. I can now yawn, and talk, and chewing is coming a long nicely as well. I still have to unlock it in the morning and when I yawn, but it doesn’t hurt like it did. As well, It doesn’t pull to the right as much as it used to. I look a lot like a freaky horror movie sometimes, because when I open my mouth to yawn, it pulls to the right, and Im pretty grotesque looking. Luckily I’m looking better.

Annnnd, I think that’s all

todays musical suggestion: if you like electro/jungle try some PENDULUM!

Peach Snapps and Diet Pepsi is AMAZING.

The End.

-JIL